Ever wonder why you experience fearful thoughts when your about to embark in a dream goal? Like thoughts of worse case scenarios?
I’ve been wanting to start a blog for too long but allowed worse case scenario thoughts to take over and keep me insecure. Feelings of self-doubt or thoughts of, “Who am I and do I have important things to say and will anyone one care?” Rough I know. Do you ever want to start something, plan it, second guess yourself and on the back burner it goes?
I read, ‘As a Man Thinketh’ by James Allen many years ago. The first time I read it I wasn’t sure I agreed with the concept that we control our own thinking. Allen talks about the brain being a fertile environment and the seeds ‘thoughts’ we sow in it, are the thoughts that grow and eventually manifest into our experience whether good or bad . So, using my own experience, I questioned the validity of my own worth, planting seeds of self doubt, reaping insecurity and lack of confidence. Can what I had to say be important and healing to some one? I went on to read that book at least twenty plus times and it began to sink in. How every time I doubted myself, I would lose interest only to find myself, weeks later, loosing sleep over my lack of action, ending in feelings of failure. I repeated that fear filled cycle far too many times. I began to think about As a Man Thinketh, and the self doubt seeds I was planting and how they began to pop up. I was immobilizing myself from taking action. But in the last year or so, I choose not to doubt any more. I was still afraid but the idea of not taking action was taking a toll on my self esteem. I began to question my fears. If I was concerned about lack of content, than I would start to read and do research. I began by reading books, blogs, articles of all things and people that inspired me. I became passionate about bravery and of people who felt afraid and took action anyway. I read about Jesus Christ, Gandhi, Steve Jobs, Oprah, Bill Gates, Anthony Robbins, Wayne Dyer and my list goes far too long. What moved them into action? What took them to take the steps that made them historical figures. The commonality that kept repeating was Love. Simply, LOVE! The kind of love that drives us to do things beyond our comfort. How Jesus Christ gave his life for the sins of people as did Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi for the unity of people. This of course, is an over simplified description of these holy men, but it’s love I wish to focus on. Taking action from your heart has a different outcome when you take action because your expecting a return of some kind. When you volunteer at a soup kitchen with all your heart, your not interested in any recognition other than to just show love and support to the less fortunate. But, when it’s about showing off, making sure someone sees your good deed then, it’s not from your heart for others, it’s from you and your ego.
Loving unconditionally, the way God loves you. Trusting that your not a mistake and what you have to offer the world is important, healing and possibly transformational for someone. Our lives mean something. When self doubt is weeded out and courage is allowed to grow in it’s place, miracles happen. St. Mother Teresa took action repeatedly. She was all about doing everything with Love, even the little things. She wrote about feeling abandoned by God for over fifty years. But she continued to serve Him anyway. She followed her heart, and she loved unconditionally. She somehow figured out that Love healed and all that had the honor of meeting her, felt it. It’s a powerful story of a Saint who served with the love in her heart even as she felt distant from God, whom she had chosen to serve her whole life. A powerful story of perseverance in Love.
I went into my heart to find out what I wanted. What made me tick. What moved me. What did I want to accomplish and what can my calling possibly be about. It took years of meditations, reading, and time alone when I could. I had three young children 3,2 and couple months old, during this time and my alone time was scarce. As my kiddies got older, my time was about being a class mom, homework and class projects. Fast forward and now I have a 19, 17, 15 year olds. I finally have a little more time. The burning passion to take action has been really eating away at me. So, here I am following my heart’s desire. And it’s not about me, it’s about serving all of you and bring something to the world that can heal it some how. My heart’s love of possibly bringing a solution to someone reading this is my calling. This blog will change and develop I hope and will get better. I’m so thankful for this opportunity to serve humanity. I choose to embrace my heart and follow my spirit and keep writing.
Here are several steps I am taking to control my mind from producing worse case scenarios:
1. I spend time everyday with my heart. I meditate in silence so I can hear every heart beat. I talk to my heart and thank it for the life it gives me. I thank God for my heart.
2. I asked my heart what can I do for you today? You will be surprised at the thoughts that may come up. For me, my heart needed me to put her first and eat better. That it made her struggle whenever I ate junk food. Yes, I am sane! I believe our bodies hold something sacred. For me that is the Holy Spirit and it needs my utmost love and care.
3. What worries you is a question I always ask. I have always enjoyed journaling so, I kept a journal of what felt like my heart’s answer. Usually I journaled about my fears and concerns. It really helped to know where I needed to take action in my life. It brought me much peace when I took action or when I would just knew I had to surrender it.
4. What has hurt you and what can I do about it? We all have dark memories of a trauma from a past event. Lack of action, addictions and avoiding are just a few of the emotions we use to cover a painful event. If it’s too much for you to handle, go see a therapist, can’t afford one, share with a friend, not easy for you to share maybe write in a journal. How about creating a group that meets once or twice a month where you can share. Creating online groups can be helpful but sitting in front of another person and getting a hug or receiving a compassionate stare, is priceless.
My list of steps will grow as I continue to write.
I am so thankful for the time you took in reading my post. I pray and hope it brings you love and light from my heart to yours.
Peace, Hope and Abundant Love